How I Plan to Become an Overnight Internet Sensation

I can't tell you how many times I've cursed myself for not being the creator of the Hipster Olympics YouTube video. I find it so frustrating that I spend so much creative energy trying to be snarky and witty when all I need is a blog like "Stuffonmycat.com", "Dontevenreply.com" , or "Passiveaggressivenotes.com" (all of which you should check out because they're funny as hell). All you have to do to make some web advertising coin is snap some footage of your baby on pain killers dancing to Beyonce or Photoshop Bea Arthur's face onto a naked playmate's body and everyone's emailing it to everyone overnight.

Whywontanyofthisshitchargemyphone.com

This is a forum for people who have a seemingly ample supply of power cords, none of which are compatible with their cell phone. Am I right?

Namethatstink.com

I'm in the process of figuring out a way to upload smells. You could ask a forum of housewives, "Is this milk bad?". It could be a sort of trivia game if I can get it all worked out. Is it hamster cage? Or chicken Piccata? Anyway, it could work.

Howdoyouevenusethis.com

I know that anyone who's anyone uses one of these things to make their coffee. But how the hell does it work? Someone gave me one as a house-warming gift and I just want to know how to use it.

Theavocadosibuybutnevereatbeforetheyrot.com

This is a forum for people like me who buy more than one avocado at a time and always end up throwing them out because you put them on the window sill and forgot all about them. Oh, and I've tried that little experiment where you shove toothpicks in the pit and try to make it grow. It doesn't work. I end up searching all over the kitchen for the funky smell until I realize it's moldy water in a Dixie cup and all I've grown is staph.

Hipsterporch.com

This is a site that caters again to hipsters. For some reason, people love to post pictures of hipsters and Brooklyn and bicycles on the internet. Here is a picture of my hipster porch. Notice the scooter and bicycles which suggest we're very active, juxtaposed against the ashtray filled with a giant pile of cigarette butts.

Acaseforeuthenasia.com

This is a human rights cause that's really close to my heart. There's a growing epidemic of dogs chewing shit up. This week it was just my Vans, but next week it could be my face. I know this issue is controversial but I'm just trying to raise awareness.



The following photo was taken at my place of work were I have to clean up after a two-year-old and his five cats. You can't see it in the picture, obviously, but there is a nanny-cam in this room. When I am confronted with the footage of me seeing this mess, acknowledging it, snapping a picture of it with my cell phone and then leaving it exactly where I found it, I will refer them to my nanny worker's rights campaign website,

Notinmyjobdescription.gov

The preceding photo can also be found on Thingsthatmakemedryheave.com.

To save on-the-go gals like me some money, I have come up with,

Proteinbartastetest.com

This one was gross. Have you ever accidentally eaten deodorant? I might have guessed had I read the ingredients, one of which was "pea powder".

So, those are a few of my ideas. I'd love to know what people think. Also, if you think you can do any better, by all means...